A letter laced with love
by Jade Wild
Summary: It had been two weeks since Tony DiNozzo met his daughter, yet he couldn't come to terms with the fact that Ziva had kept her pregnancy a secret from him or the fact that he had missed the first two years of his daughter's life.


Hello everybody. I have not written an NCIS story for over a decade. Truth being told somehow having Ziva leave the show put me in a real predicament of not having any more inspiration. However a while back my husband was watching the last episode of season 16 and I saw Ziva make a guest appearance. This got me so excited that I just to write this. I do hope you like it and I would like to thank all of the people that have read my stories through the years. I apologize for the grammar mistakes, for the time being I do not have an NCIS beta. If all goes well, I shall resume my other stories and bring them to a closing, as promised many years ago.

Without boring you any longer, enjoy, read & review. Feedback is always appreciated.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS nor any of the characters.

xoxo

Jade

* * *

Melancholic eyes took in the raging may storm outside of his apartment unit. He could see the Dupon Circle park and the stone chess tables, now drenched by the water pouring off of them. The wind was howling, making the branches of the trees sway, messy belly dancers, but in a way so beautiful. To his eyes they looked like mourners, their movement a shy echo of his own internal turmoil. Anthony DiNozzo, former NCIS special agent rested his head on the cool glass, trying to collect his scattered thoughts. Closing his eyes, he fought the rush of sorrow and panic wash off of him.

A petit whimper drew his attention from the scene unfolding outside and he carefully walked towards the twin bed. The little girl with the golden curls slept peacefully with her stuffed toy clutched to her chest. From the moment she had first smiled at him Tali David-DiNozzo had captured his heart completely. The tiny hurricane, with her shy, yet headstrong personality had taken a liking in sleeping in her abba's bed. Tony and Senior had shopped for a new bed and called Gibbs over to help them assemble it. They had fun, laughed and for a few hours, the sadness in Tali's eyes disappeared. She laughed so hard until her little checks had turned a bright scarlett and tears were flowing down her cheeks. Yet when the house quieted down with senior returning to his hotel and Gibbs back to his house, the little girl, sucking her thumb and dragging her toy had begged Tony to let her sleep close to him. Cuddled by his arms, Tali had cried for her ima, until she finally succumbed to exhaustion. Tony on the other hand lay awake long hours thinking about the little girl curled next to him and the woman he loved and was lost to him.

He couldn't help it and stroked her hair gently. Pride and warmth washed over him when he saw her smile in his sleep. His mini Ziva embodied perfection and he marvelled how he could not imagine his life without her anymore. He loved his daughter with all his heart, but there were times when looking at her hurt him physically.

Walking towards the living room he gathered the scattered toys and put them on the coffee table. Easing himself on the couch he rubbed his eyes, the pain of knowing that woman he loved no longer breathed overpowering him.

Over the course of the last couple of weeks, Tony had locked himself in the bathroom, with senior caring for Tali, and had cried his eyes out. Caring for a small child was alien for him, but the worst was knowing that he would have to live with the fact that the love of his life was gone. After Ziva had decided to stay in Israel, he had tried to rebuild, establish connections with other women, but none could match up to his Israeli beauty. Zoe had been the last woman in a long line that had managed to take his mind off of Ziva for a short while. Zoe's and his connection had been physically intense, but at night, when she lay asleep next to him, he couldn't help feeling that she was not the woman he could grow old next to. He missed the entertaining conversations, the banter, the fun he used to have with Ziva at 3 o'clock in the morning while making paninis and sipping well aged scotch.

Although they had kept their relationship private, the precious moments spent together were now fuel for the rest of his life.

Shifting on the couch, he extract the photo frame between the cushions. His hand stroked Ziva's features with care, the ache returning in full force. Tony tried to put his feelings in order, yet they were a whirlwind with pain longing and rage being just a few of them. The worst was that she had not told him about Tali. Knowing himself, Tony would have pulled every possible connection to be with her during her pregnancy and after that. Yet now, he raised a two year old that he knew nothing about. He had not seen her first steps, her first words or even when she had been potty trained. All of those special moments he could never get back and, although absurd, he blamed Ziva for keeping them from him.

Rage was a present emotion, but sorrow and longing overcame everything. He caressed the picture, tears threatened to spill. Anger washed over him and he wanted to smash the damned photo frame against the table, to rip her to pieces as she had ripped him to shreds. Yet he refrained from ruining something that was dear to him and to his daughter. This photo of a smiling Ziva on a scooter and Tony filled with pride by the fact he had the arms of a gorgeous women around his waist was the only proof to the happy times they had once shared. The frame slipped between his fingers shaking fingers and landed on the couch, the back of the frame opening slightly. Carefully he picked up and removed the back cover altogether, taking the photo and studying it up close. With a sigh he grabbed the frame once more. The envelope slipped naturally in his lap and he furrowed his brow. Leaving the photo and the frame carefully on the couch his breath hitched when he recognized her handwriting _"Tony"_.

Licking his lips nervously Tony opened the envelope and pulled out a paper folded neatly.

Standing from the couch he could feel his legs give away so he grabbed the back of the couch and moved towards the liquor cabinet. The first glass of whiskey he drank in one go, pouring himself a second one. Before moving back to the couch and the mysterious letter, he jogged towards the bedroom to check on his sleeping princess. She lay face down, sprawled over the covers, sucking her thumb, a gentle snore coming from her petite frame. Tony shook his head, marveling once more how much Tali resembled Ziva. Quietly he walked over to the couch, making himself comfortable and picking up the letter once more. Taking a sip from his glass he unfolded the pieces of paper, a shiver running down his spine. Her neat handwriting greeted him and he felt the tightness around his chest growing stronger.

"_Tony, if you are holding this letter in the palm of your hand, it means that you have met our miracle, Tali. It also means that I am no longer among the living and cannot care for her, or for you._

_I am not sure where to start or why I am writing in the first place, but somehow, deep down inside I am aware that you are in danger and so is our child. What I have learned for the past two years is that my life means nothing in comparison to that of our daughter or your life and that I am willing to walk to hell and back and ensure that both _my most_ important people in my life are safe from harm._

_I do not need to explain how Tali was conceived, I believe we both remember that moment vividly, but I do know that she is the product of our love. A few weeks after you had left Israel I found out I was with child, filling me with fear and dread, yet with so much happiness. I knew what an appealing target I have become to all of my father's enemies. In spite of that terminating the pregnancy never crossed my mind. My training would protect her and if I could not, you or Gibbs would take care of her. To say that I have toyed with the idea of fleeing to the US, to you, is an understatement, but I have been watched constantly and escape was not possible. I tried reaching out to you, but all lines of communication were cut off. I even tried reaching out to Gibbs and ask him to facilitate my escape, but alas, every time I tried I would receive a package telling me that I was being watched. Sometimes it was a dead cat, other times it was a pistol or a note threatening to end me or harm my unborn child. Worst of all, I was made _aware_ time and time again that they would hurt the father of my child. So I stayed quiet and tried to lay low, in fear of harming you and the others. _

_The months flew by and before I knew it, spring knocked at my door. Tali came to this world on the 5th of May in the early hours of the morning, rowdy and annoying, just like her father. I have never felt so much pain and love at the same time and in spite of the happiness of finally having her in my arm, I wished for your presence here with us. I wished to have you close and threatened to kill you with a paperclip for what you had done to me, but also to share with you this wonderful, wonderful child, who's azure eyes, I could not stop gazing at. She was the spitting image of you when she was born, even her crooked yawn is just like yours._

_My luck was the protection I received from the new head of Mossad, and for a while I was safe. Tali was growing up and I was consumed with the routine of feeding, changing and sleeping in shifts. I must admit that during that time you were not so much on my mind. I could not afford to spill tears over you. In some _way_ I was sure you gave up on me, after _all_ it had been many months since we last saw each other. My mind was telling me that you must have moved on, but my heart was fighting a bitter war. In the end, I listened to my mind._

_Tali was growing rapidly and you will see that she is a bright and joyful child. She might be sad _now,_ since she has never left my side in the past two years, but with time she will open up._

_I made sure she knew her abba, told her countless stories about us and saw how her eyes lit up when I would tell her how her abba rescued ima from the bad men. She would squeal in delight and her first word was abba. The picture of us, the one I have hidden the letter in, is something that Tali is used to sleeping close by. I would tell her that her abba was watching over her._

_She loves her stuffed toy, but more than anything she loves cartoons. Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse are on the list of her _favourites_ and I am sure if she could talk fluently she would quote those characters every few seconds. I am not even sure what to put in this letter about _her,_ since there are so many sides to her._

_She enjoys bath time and sleeping in, but hates broccoli piure. If you ever have doubts if she is your daughter, I suggest you put a slice of pizza in front of her and you'll see how her eyes light up._

_My time is drawing to a close and I know I must end this letter, but my heart breaks knowing that there is a chance I will never see you again. Oh _Tony_, there are so many things left unsaid between us and I do not know how to word them properly._

_What I told you on the tarmac in Tel Aviv still stands, you are so loved. More each day and Tali is the proof for that._

_At times, late at night, when I would watch over her sleeping form I would think about the future that can never be. I never wanted to be a wife, but I would have liked to build a life with you, grow old and raise Tali together. I would have enjoyed the chance to love you and give you the family you so deserve, maybe a second child. I daydream about our home and Paris once more, about our family and NCIS. Tony, there are so many wishes lacing my heart and my mind and it tears at me to know that we could never be and our future will stay just a dream._

_But no more of that! The most important thing is that Tali and you are safe. I must tell you that there is a deposit in her name in the bank of Tel Aviv. You, as her guardian have full access to my funds, my properties, everything that was once under my name and the name of Eli David. Now it belongs to Tali David DiNozzo and as an extension to you._

_You must know that there is an account hidden in my name. In case I survive, I will use whatever funds I have to find my way back to you. Yet, if I die, the money will come back to _the both_ of you on Tali's 18th birthday. Please, do not hope that I am alive, the probability is almost _non existent_. They will hunt me and kill me, but they will never have our child. I cannot tell you who they are, but I am sure you and Gibbs will find whoever took my life. Tony, whatever happens, you must protect our daughter. Protect her with your life so that my death was not in vain._

_Take care of yourself and our child. Tell Tali that her ima loves her to the stars and beyond and will always watch over her._

_As for you, please find it in your heart to forgive me that I have cut you out of our lives for the better part of two years. Do not forget that I love you. Once upon a time, after Somalia, I tried writing to heal my broken spirit and soul. What helped me to heal was when I saw your face for the first time in such a long time. It did not come easy to me to word what I was feeling, but eventually I found the strenght to write it all done. It is with these words that I healed "My heart saw him as if for the first time and I knew I could not live without him."_

_It is the truth and it shall not change. Anthony DiNozzo know this that I have loved you and still do with all my heart,_

_Your Ziva."_

Tony read the letter twice more, his fingers caressing her words. He could see the tear marks and at one point he did not know if there were only hears or if he had joined her in shedding bitter tears.

Putting the letter back in his envelope and the picture back in its frame, Tony made his way to his safety deposit box. Punching in the code he laid the letter next to his most important documents.

His heart ached, but he knew that his duty was with his daughter now. Changing into his pajamas, he slid into bed and drew the little blond bundle closer to him. She mumbled in her sleep and he kissed the top of her head.

"Abba got you, little one". Pulling the covers over them, his heart raced, his thoughts in a flurry. As the thunder rumbled outside of his home he decided to put his affairs in order and travel with his daughter back to Israel. He needed to find out if Ziva was really gone or if she had made it alive and was in hiding. Maybe, just maybe they had gotten lucky and he could have the life she had so vividly painted in her letter.

With a sigh, she cuddled the little girl, his thoughts with the family he could have if his gut feeling was right. Somehow, after reading her letter, Anthony DiNozzo was sure that Ziva was out there and he would find her and reunite his family.


End file.
